Zoo
Genre: Documentary
Cast: Hopefully no one you know
Director: Robinson Devor
Release: (2007)
I can’t look my dog in the eye right now.
Jeez, this is uncomfortable. I can feel his confused little eyes on the back of my neck, grasping for some kind of guidance about what we just saw, but I just can’t look at him yet. I already know what he’s going to ask, “Um, daddy, was that a real story or a make-believe one?” (The fact that he’s a puppy only confounds the difficulty of this.) “Daddy, what were those men doing with that horse?” “Daddy, am I a horse?” Ok, ok, let me just think for a minute before I look at him. Awk - ward…
I suppose this is what I get for not doing a better job of controlling what I let my pets watch. You’d think I would have learned my lesson after that day, a few months ago, when I left the TV on for him while I was at work and came home to find him hiding in the cabinet under the kitchen sink while non-stop, breaking coverage of the Michael Vick case was still rolling graphically by on the screen. He had nightmares for weeks about that – but at least he had actually seen fighting on TV before that. How am I supposed to explain what this was?
What this was, was Zoo. For those of you unfamiliar, Zoo is director Robinson Devor’s ill-fated attempt to capture the “controversial guy” buzz at Sundance last year. Devor took his camera crew and, presumably, several cases of Purell up to Seattle, Washington to make what might arguably be the definitive documentary of this generation about guys who have sex with horses. In any other year, this probably would have been enough to stir up a little more chatter out there in Mormon country. But, unfortunately for him, this wasn’t any other year and Deborah Kampmeier stole all his shock-value thunder at Sundance by seeing him his bestiality tale and raising him a Dakota Fanning rape. After all his effort, Devor left Utah with nothing to show except a Special Jury Prize for “Most Unnecessary Film Ever” and a free comic-book leaflet on the life of Joseph Smith Jr.
If you were looking for a little more information about the content or quality of the film, maybe you didn’t hear me: it’s about guys who have sex with horses. What else do you really want to know? Who? Maladjusted weirdos. Where? Isolated farms. How? Maladjusted weirdo-style. Why? Because there is no God.
Alright, alright maybe I’m being a little dismissive about that. After all, Devor does take the time to try to let these nutty nonconformists explain their lifestyle in their own words. So, I suppose the least I can do is try to show some sensitivity about what it’s like to be zoo (and, yes, that’s the term they use and the context that the title of the movie is in – as in ‘to be straight’, ‘to be bi’ or ‘to be gay’ – ‘to be zoo’) and give them the chance to explain it in their own words. All responses to the following questions are actual, verbatim quotes given by the subjects of this film in their own defense.
My Imaginary Interview with Zoo subjects “Mr. Hands”, “Coyote” and “H”:
Rosie: So, uhhh, I just saw the movie. Not really sure where to begin here …, anyone just have anything they want to say for themselves?
H: “We were friends for all those years and all of a sudden I’m not a good person, just because I love the horses?”
Rosie: Ok, first of all, we’ve never met. And second of all, yes. But let’s move on. What about you Coyote, what would you say to someone who just can’t imagine what the attraction is and what makes you head out to the barn at night.
Coyote: “Maybe I just want to grab a horse by his nuts and to feel his balls. How do they feel? They’re, well, they… They’re warm.”
Rosie: Ok-! Ok, I think we can just leave it at that. After all, this is a family imaginary interview, but I think we all understand where you were going with that. Anyway, moving right along, what about you Mr. Hands? How did you first know you might be zoo?
Mr. Hands: (silence)
Rosie: Mr. Hands? Are you there? I said how did --, oh, that’s right, I’m sorry. I forgot, Mr. Hands, you were recently killed in a questionable attempt to try the more, eh, “passive” role in your relationship. Sorry about that. ‘E’ for effort, though. Any of you other guys want to say a few words about Mr. Hands for our audience? He was a pretty successful engineer or something, wasn’t he?
H: “But I think he really wanted to get away from all that. He wanted to be a farmer.”
Rosie: That’s it, I’m out.
Well, there you go, an insider’s perspective on the experience of being zoo. Unfortunately none of the horses involved were willing to be interviewed on camera, but one speaking on the condition of anonymity said that he agreed more with my original assessment: There is no God.
Hey, do me a favor before you go. Don’t be too obvious about it but look behind me and see if my dog is still looking at me. No? He’s chewing up my girlfriend’s new shoes? Good, just let him go at it. Yeah, she’ll be pissed, but I’d still rather have to explain that to her than this to him.
Grading
Story: N/A
Acting: C (Yes, some actors were used for a few dramatic recreations)
Visuals: C (Actually, nothing real graphic or explicit visually. A lot of details described or implied.)
Originality/Innovation: B (A for content, C for film style)
Enjoyability: I’m not even gonna touch this one.
Overall: C+
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