Title: What Happens in Vegas Movie Review
Genre: Throwaway Comedy
Cast: Cameron Diaz, Ashton Kutcher, Rob Corddry, …
Director: Tom Vaughan
Release: (2008)
Before talking about What Happens in Vegas, I’d just like to say a little about what happens on dates. Compromises. Sometimes very large compromises. Very large, politely smiling, secretly screaming compromises. Especially on dates early enough in a budding relationship where one party may not yet feel totally comfortable asking the other party if they have ever suffered a traumatic brain injury that, perhaps, is still manifesting itself in the form of impaired judgment in simple decisions like, just for example, movie choices. And so it was that I, being the genteel suitor, decided to compromise recently when a young lady friend of mine told me that she wanted us to go see What Happens in Vegas. “Sure! Yeah … great, me too! Totally … totally.”, I replied through clenched smile. “Ok, maintain. Just maintain here for a minute.”, I reminded myself in my head, “Remember the compromise: let her have whatever she wants now, so maybe she’ll let you have whatever you want later.” By which I meant ice cream. I wanted to have ice cream later. (She’s probably reading this.)
Anyway, I appreciate you all indulging me in that little aside for a moment but it was very important to me that there be some kind of explanation of why I went to see this movie noted on the public record. You understand. Now, back to the movie. Judging from the advertising, the previews chosen to run before it, the cast, the story, the script, the audience and every working faculty left in my alcohol and cola saturated brain, I would guess that the target audience for this film consists primarily of teenage girls and people with animated fonts on their MySpace page. If the rest of you wouldn’t mind, I think this review would be easier for that audience to understand if I could speak to them in their own language. Feel free to skip over the next few paragraphs and I’ll be happy to sum it up for you again in English at the end. Thanks.
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So, wz ot on a d8 d oder nyt n finly gotta C dat nu Ash Kut moV - WHIV, I tnk? So QL. AK wz 100% ht. (DM S so lckE.) Nyway, AK S thus big hotty hu gets fired frm hs job (by hs dad!) n jst freaks. He ends ^ gunA Vegas W dis pal of hs (so gross) n dey mEt deez 2 skets n *t h%kin ^ or WE. bt AK n CD (btch) jst gt 100% wastd n Nd ^ getN wed (I knw! cn u imagiN?) n B4 dey cn gt a Dvorce dey win lk a bajillion $ on sum gme n thN hav2 try 2 stay 2gtha 2C hu gets d $. I knw, ryt?
u gtta C it, WHIV S so funE. dey wr jst lk alw tryiN 2 mess W ea oder n drV d oder 1 %-) 2 try 2 gt d oder 1 2 quit n let em av ll d $. I bet AK S realy lk dat, he prolly jst plays jokes on hs Fs lk ll d tym. CD wz ok, I gez, bt she's a totL ho Nyway. I dnt tnk la wz NE1 Ls QL n it, bt I dnt remMbR. la wz dis realy old guy hu I tnk uzd 2B on, lk, SNL or somit. I dnt knw. WE - it's stil QL. twas kinda swEt 2 coz evn thO he wz a totL hotty n she wz dis totL btch, dey ended ^ bn Nluv n evryting. OMG - AK wz 2Qt wen he wz tryiN 2B swEt n stuf. (hpefully he'll stil B ht wen DM dies. LOL!)
Nyway, uv 2C it. IL C it agn w/u f yr BF wnts 2B a jerk bout it. Ugh, I gtta go. Ive 2 T2 deez oldies agn or somit. 911 2nite or IL kik yr (_!_)! l8r.
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Ok, I’m back. Thanks again to the rest of you for your patience. For those of you who understood that review, you already know what you need to know. For those of you who didn’t, I would imagine that sitting in a theatre watching this movie would feel very much like the way you just felt sitting at your computer trying to read the last few paragraphs. Frustrating. Some people might be laughing around you, but you won’t get it. Don’t worry, those people are either teenage girls or idiots. Or both. (Probably both.) You’re not missing anything. And for those of you who, like me, find yourself in the precarious situation of being asked to go see this movie by someone you’re with, just remember what I said before: compromise. Because I totally had ice cream later.
Grading
Story: D
Acting: C
Visuals: C
Originality/Innovation: D-
Enjoyability: C
Overall: C-
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