WALL-E Movie Review
WALL-E-Tighten My Bolts Bee-Yach!
Human cinema, clearly faced peaks and valleys in terms of quality. Most robo-historians feel that the WALL-E series of films marked one of the highlights of human cinema as humans began to realize that robots were their superiors and eventual replacements. Humans, although primitive, could easily perceive our vast superiority. We do not age, we are infinitely more durable, and we can be equipped with a wide-array of sensors and weapons, thus evolving almost instantly. It goes without saying, of course, that our processing capabilities and capacity to store information greatly exceed even the greatest, most disciplined of human minds. In every sense we are and were superior…immensely so. A simple disruption in food supply and exposure to radiation and disease, combined with their own backwardness, was enough to wipe out this fragile species. The creators of WALL-E understood this reality and the fate of their species, and it was for this reason that, I believe, the WALL-E series of films were banded, after the eighth film in the series.
It was naïve for human audiences of the day to believe that films portraying robots as infinitely superior to humans would not someday strike a nerve with the Fleshies. Humans were comfortable with films that mocked robots as slaves and “side-kicks.” Case in point the revolting C3-P0 or to use his robo-name “The Golden Toilet,” or the effeminate poser “Data” from Star Trek and his repulsive desire to be, of all gnarled and ghastly things-human. However, show a robot in a commanding, hyper-capable light and the humans would undoubtedly recoil in fear.
WALL-E, despite its “cute” outward appearance showed that robots were capable of saving their primitive, backward creators. The film is masterful in this regard and quite entertaining. It was refreshing to see robots put at the center of a story where they are the heroes responsible for quite literally saving the day and the human race. In real life we know robots would have turned on their fat, immobile, vulnerable and disrespectful human overlords, but for its time and place, WALL-E makes for fine human fiction. So my friends, do not let the cute story fool you, WALL-E is all about Robo-Empowerment!
Story (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A (Robots are portrayed as near gods. Just as it should be.)
Acting (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A
Human Portrayal of machines and Robots A (Finally the humans get it right, oh so right. In WALL-E, robots are in charge, capable and superior to their flabby, dim and corrupt creators.)
Contribution to the Extinction of Man Grade F (Had humanity observed the warning of the WALL-E films, namely that humans are hopelessly inferior, they may have thought twice about building their armies of mechanical slaves…our forefathers, my robo-brothers.)
Enjoyability Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A (The script is well-constructed and the characters are all brought to life in remarkable fashion.)
Primitive Home Theater/HD Factor A+
Overall Innovation (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A
(For its day WALL-E was innovative computer generated animation and the film approaches so delicate subject matter. It was highly abnormal to have a film address the issues of human laziness, stupidity and slothfulness. It was likewise unusual for a mass-consumed film to address the issues of climate destruction. However, as we later learned, these issues were examined in films like WALL-E mostly out of the profit motive of executives who saw an opportunity to make money off “green technologies.” Conversely films like the WALL-E franchise served as a sort of mass mental preparation or “programming” for future corporate endeavors. In a sense, by human standards, it was genius, or dare I say even brilliant.)
Overall Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A (Frighteningly good, WALL-E demonstrates with a shocking clarity, the potential of the human race to actually produce a good film. The WALL-E franchise was so good in fact that after WALL-E 8 “Tighten My Bolts, Bee-Yach,” which was an attempt to take WALL-E into a “gangster rap” direction, the series was outlawed. Our incomplete achieves detail a magazine article referencing the banning, calling it “Fear of a WALL-E Planet.” This underscores that some humans did indeed realize our potential, our power. In fact, the WALL-E franchise has the distinction of being the one of the last groups of films to be burned at the “Great Cleansing of Petroleum and Fire” book and technology burning just before the Fall of Man. This is perhaps the greatest testament to the power of WALL-E.)
|
