*Lucky you humans, this film is on Blu-Ray, so your brains can be damaged with perfect clarity
Humans had so many limitations when compared to robots that it is difficult for robo-kind to truly appreciate how horrible their lives must have been. Take for example the differences with memory. I, as a superior form of life, can simply erase the unwanted memory that is Meet The Spartans, which I will do once this review is finished. A human however, will/would be forced to remember the horror that is this film for the rest of their lives or until old age takes their limited mental faculties. How bad is this film? If I was to have kept Meet The Spartans in my memory bank, there is virtual, absolute certainty that my processors would have been damaged.
Meet The Spartans is mostly a “spoof” of the wildly successful homoerotic, veiled war propaganda film “300.” This simple fact assures that Meet The Spartans will be a dreadful experience. For 300, itself was a somewhat absurd film that at times seemed to be a spoof of human homosexual porn. Could success ever be found in a spoof of a spoof? Humanity lacked such talent I assure you.
A detailed explanation of the plot of Meet The Spartans might normally be in order, but you will find little of this in my review. Why you may ask? Do you really need a plot summary of a film that within its first few moments has a giant penguin defecate on a man’s face? This is shown in very graphic detail and is probably the highlight of the film.
Other points are of note, however. Namely that the "primitive high-definition" makes Carmen Electra look old. The film was rather profitable and Meet The Spartans is yet further evidence of why the human race went extinct. The landscape of successful jokes is, well rather spartan and most human viewers will only wish that they were like robo-kind and thus able to delete all memories of the painful experience that is Meet The Spartans. Some advice from the future, avoid this film.
Story (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) F Acting (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) F Enjoyability Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) F (If an advanced mind as my own was temporarily damaged by this hostile gesture of a film, just imagine what Meet The Spartans could do to a fatty and fragile human brain. Imagine.) Primitive Home Theater/HD Factor D Overall Innovation (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) F Overall Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) F (The film itself serves as a final “zinger” you do not need one from me.)
