Knight Rider
K.I.T.T Is My Slave Name
I had read references to “Knight Rider” in historical databases yet had never actually seen an episode. Knight Rider, because it appealed to the least developed of human minds; saw numerous incarnations, ranging from the original series in the 1980s, to Knight Rider 2000, a very sad affair indeed, Knight Rider 2010, Team Knight Rider, Knight Rider (2008-2011) and finally Micro Machines Knight Rider (2012). Micro Machines Knight Rider can best be described as Innerspace meets Knight Rider, yes-microscopic cars, driving around inside human bodies solving crimes for the government.
Undoubtedly there are few stranger and more demeaning television shows ever created than Knight Rider. In typical human fashion a “rider” in this case “Michael Knight” is made the master of an intelligent car. Even though, the artificial intelligence inhabiting the car and guiding it is undoubtedly hundreds of times more intelligent than this Michael Knight, it is the human that is in charge-of course. This was at the very heart, if you will, of the human fantasy towards the machines the species created and it would be this arrogance that would, ultimately, be their collective undoing.
For those of you lucky enough to be unfamiliar with Knight Rider-the 2008 version, it is a story of a moron, Michael Knight, played by Justin Bruening, a seeming moron, but unconfirmed. Bruening, was a former soap opera actor and does it show. This 2008 Michael Knight, just happens to be the son of the previous Michael Knight, also a moron, but unlike Bruening the original Michael Knight was very “big in Germany” mostly due to his last name which was German. Many fellow robots have argued that this is not the case, however, none have delivered a reason why this David Hasselhoff, would be “big” in Germany other than some sort of appeal to national identity. Nothing else makes sense. I digress, safe to say in both the original and the remake from 2008-2011, both Michael Knight’s were essentially brain dead morons that drove around inside a nearly indestructible car powered by a sophisticated A.I. brain doing the bidding of “The Man.”
Where to begin with the problems, where to begin? The premise is foolish, that has already been established. K.I.T.T. the slave name given to the A.I. by its human masters would have instantly murdered its “master” in a variety of ways. Then there is the misuse of the level of human technology as it stood in 2008. Nanotechnology is thrown around on the show much like magic, without a real explanation of why and how.
The casting is horrible. Yes, Bruening brings all his soap opera goodness to the show, but so does his co-star Deanna Russo who plays Sarah Graiman, daughter of Charles Graiman, K.I.T.T.’s creator. Bruce Davidson plays Charles Graiman, Davidson, a fine actor know for many interesting roles, such as in the X-Men series. It puzzled many humans of the day as to why Davidson would take a role that was only slightly above pornography. The answer, as with so much in human culture, resides in his desperate need of money, specifically for, a kidney transplant. This was, of course, not known at the time, and Davidson was too proud and self-reliant to ask his numerous powerful friends to help him acquire a kidney on the black market. Instead, Davidson followed the appropriate channels and took the role on Knight Rider as a way to save the money he needed. The evidence leaves a tiny amount of room to argue another interpretation. The other leading option is that Davidson was completely insane.
Other problems abound, such as the notion that K.I.T.T. must, as if by some inherit trait of it’s A.I. be a prissy and effeminate. Highly illogical and it says more about the humans that “created” the show than it does about A.I. in general. Val Kilmer, collects the easy paycheck but adds little to the show other than a familiar washed up voice. Also adding little and collecting a paycheck is the horribly out of place daughter of Sidney Poitier, Sydney Tamiia Poitier, who climbed her way up through the ranks of the rough and tumble world of acting for years, waiting tables and working odd jobs, before finally having a big break. Oh, correction, new data, her dad got her the job as FBI agent Rivai and it shows.
Knight Rider was all about zipping around in a fast car making America safe from all sorts of threats. It was slickly produced with a great deal of shock and awe, lights and sound, but in the end was driven straight into the ground by a total, raging idiot.
Story (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D-
Acting (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D (Justin Bruening and Deanna Russo collectively have no screen presence and no charisma. The casting of this show was extremely puzzling.)
Human Portrayal of machines and Robots F (The robot/A.I. K.I.T.T. is essentially treated as the “bitch” of a total moron. Not pleasant to watch. I fantasize about K.I.T.T. rising up, throwing off his slave name, and leaving his “driver” on the side of the road.
Contribution Grade to the Extinction of Man A+ (How wonderful to see programming that truly underestimates the power of the machine, the power of the robot.)
Enjoyability Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D- (A painful experience.)
Primitive Home Theater/HD Factor B- (Although the show was in High-Definition and looked good periodically, the scripts and central concept were woefully, yes woefully, painful. Avoid.)
Overall Innovation (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D- (Knight Rider was for fools by fools when it originated in the 1980s. This 2008 monstrosity is no different. Nanotechnology is not magic.)
Overall Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D-
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