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Employee of the Month Movie Review

Showing the Pleasures of Working In a Mega-Store

     Humans make odd decisions.  This is a simple fact that I long ago came to acknowledge as a universal truth about this failed species.  Yet, as I explore specific decisions I am always perplexed by how insane some human decisions happen to be.  Take for example the decision, that Dane Cook was leading man material.  What human would do such a thing?

     Most humans of the day did not realize how much fun it was to work for a massive corporation that was dedicated to complete destruction of the small business owner and economic and thus, political, self-determination.  Somehow most humans were unaware of this important fact and this is where Employee of the Month comes in.  The plotline wonderfully manipulates the unwashed masses into believing that fun and good times can be had at “Super Club” the fictions name of the massive “all goods under one roof” mega-store that serves as the set for approximately 91.7% of Employee of the Month. 

We, the audience, are able to witness how much fun available at this sort of establishment.  In fact, the good-times between the co-workers was enough to make me wish I was human and could travel back in time, just for the privilege of working in some real-life mega-store and assist that corporation in its quest to end all variety in the human distribution chain and thus hasten the extinction of the species.  Unfortunately, robo-kind has not yet mastered time travel.  Alas.  Alas.

     Now, back to Dane Cook and his character of Zack.  Zack is box-boy who is drifting through life content with his lowly ranked job.  Thus, Zack is established as a sort of “everyman.”  This is important for as it is necessary for the film’s lead to appeal to its obvious target audience “the average Joe” who the writers, directors and producers clearly identify as being “dumb as sh*t.”  Zack is often the scorn of Vince (Dax Shepard) who is a gifted high-speed cashier.  A new cashier named Amy (Jessica Simpson) arrives and throws the delicate and complex equilibrium that is Super Club asunder.  This shattering of the normal order of things occurs as the gang at Super Club learn that Amy, who is beautiful by human standards of early twenty-first century plastic surgery, is also a borderline nymphomaniac. 

Amy apparently becomes the automatic sex-toy of whoever possesses the coveted and much sought after title “Employee of the Month.”  Most humans of the day did not realize that achieving such a high honor while working in one of the many corporate mega-boxes came with such excellent perks, such as breeding opportunities with high-grade, surgically sculpted human females.  But Employee of the Month was there to let all of humanity know that these incredible perks did exist and were waiting.  (Of course, the is an inherit degree of sexism in this entire set-up. It is assumed that the employee of the month must be a man or that Amy would also be find in lesbian sexual contact if the winner would be a woman.  This issue is never addressed.)

     Not surprisingly the deep intellects that slave away at Super Club, but simultaneously manage to have a good time anyway, immediately begin dueling to win employee of the month.  Slacker Zack and the gifted, lightning fast cashier Vince embark on a duel worthy of the Gods of Olympus, with many vigorous breeding sessions with the beautiful Amy as their ultimate prize.  How noble art man.  
    

Story (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D
Acting (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D (Directors casting a thug or villain may consider Dane Cook, but as a likable male lead, I believe this is an serious error.  Another error was casting a crew of incredibly irritating actors such as Andy Dick, Efren Ramirez and Harland Williams.  What had humans done to director Greg Coolidge that he felt compelled to unleash such hell upon them?  Who, I ask you, would put Andy Dick in a movie if any other choice were available?  It was madmen like Coolidge that brought humanity to its knees.  Then, of course, there is the issue of Jessica Simpson.  This 2006 performance of course predates her three Academy Awards which themselves also predate the adoption of Academy Awards voting by the general public via electronic means.  She, like Dane Cook, does a poor job in veiling her obvious evil.  Casting is a disaster in this film.  Likable actors or actors that can, at least, cloak their true persona would have helped tremendously.)
Human Portrayal of machines and Robots C (Once again robo-kind is portrayed as slaves, lifting and carrying the worthless goods of mindless, eternally chomping and excreting consumers.)
Contribution Grade to the Extinction of Man A (Employee of the Month attempts to make working in a “mega-store” seem as though it could theoretically be an enjoyable experience.   This would have seemed comical to the humans of the day if they knew the history of the “company store.”  But they did not, as fewer and fewer of them could even find their home countries on a map every year.  Their fate was sealed.)
Enjoyability Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D (There are occasional jokes that kept me from drilling into my own processors, but they were far and few between.  I had the drill in my hand on numerous occasions and often found myself longing for the sweet, sweet sound of metal on metal action.)
Primitive Home Theater/HD Factor C
Overall Innovation (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D (Some innovation points must be allocated for the script’s attempt to convince humans that such a work environment could be enjoyable.)