Mini’s First Time
I don’t know how I ended up seeing Mini’s First Time, but from the get go I was thoroughly confused. For a while, it was almost like watching soft core porn, but without all the good stuff, you know, the nudity. But then, I kind of got into it and found myself pretty well entertained.
Mini (Nikki Reed) is a high school senior who believes in living life to its fullest. By completing as many “firsts”, the more extreme the better, as she can she will get as much as she can out of her time on the planet. She decides that it would be a good idea to start working as an escort, where on one of her first outings she is unknowingly sent to meet her step-father (Alec Baldwin). The two of them at first are a little uncomfortable around each other, but before long they end up in a surreptitious relationship. The only thing that stands in the way of their being together is their drunken, adulterous, socialite mother/wife. Together Mini and her step-father come up with a plan to drive her insane so that they can have her sent away. This, of course, goes horribly wrong.
I kind of feel sorry for Nikki Reed, because she is totally outclassed here. With Alec Baldwin, Jeff Goldblum, Luke Wilson and Carrie-Anne Moss there’s just no way she can keep up. The only people who really have to stretch their legs in this film are Baldwin and Moss. He goes from beat down husband to the patented Alec Baldwin machismo. I swear I think I could listen to the man read an instruction manual and it would still be hilarious to me. Moss by far has to do the most work here as a lush of a mother who is driven totally insane. Her flipping out in masseuse’s office in priceless, but that could have more to do with basketball player Rick Fox’s bizarre Jamaican accent. At least I think it was Jamaican.
The thing that really hurts this film is, oddly enough, is Mini. By that I don’t mean Nikki Reed I’m referring to the actual character. Her dialog is mind numbingly insipid at times, especially when she’s doing a voice over. Part of me felt they wanted Mini’s First Time to have that really cool voice over that Trainspotting had, but couldn’t pull it off. That’s where the rest of this cast comes in. This film is really less about its actual story and more about putting Alec Baldwin and Jeff Goldblum in from of a camera and letting them go at it. Excluding possibly Alan Rickman, Tim Curry or an actual herd of goats, you’re going to be hard pressed to find someone who can chew scenery better than these two.
This is basically a straight to video Lolita, with Baldwin in James Mason’s place and Goldblum in Peter Seller’s. Even Moss is essentially, and I’d never thought I’d say this, a poor man’s Shelley Winters. It really wants to have everything that films has, but there’s just no way it will ever get there. It’s more like Wild Things, but with a bunch of big name hams just enjoying their work. Okay, fine, bigger name hams.
The Grade
- Story: C-
- Acting: B
- Visuals: C
- Originality: C-
- Enjoyability: B
- Overall: C
|
