Review Stargate Atlantis: Season Five-7 Reasons It Sucks

Stargate Atlantis: Season Five-7 Reasons It Sucks

Here Is What You Need To Know:
What is wrong with these Stargate people? Oh come on, every now and again you ask yourself the same question. It is puzzling that Stargate Atlantis has made it to 100 episodes. More to the point is namely the bewilderment that is the entire Stargate Universe. I love science-fiction, but Stargate just needs to go and in the process, hopefully make way for some other more deserving science-fiction. If you don’t know, probably due to the fact that you have a normal life, Stargate Atlantis is the spin-off of the original Stargate television series, which is based on the original Stargate movie. Umm, maybe that could be part of the problem. The Stargate is a mechanism developed by an advanced alien race, that allows virtually instant transport throughout the galaxy. In Stargate Atlantis the bad guys are a bunch of elbinos with rave contact lenses that suck human energy through their hands. Its not as good as it sounds. A group of humans, working for the U.S. Military go jetting across the universe fighting these baddies called the Wraith. Odds are I have already lost you or you are a fan who is already irritated with me.

Here are few of the reasons that Stargate and Stargate Atlantis kind of suck.

They (various Stargate dorks in military uniforms) come across massive amounts of advanced technology and weapons, let still use government issued machine guns and such against alien races. Yeah, that’s right, the alien baddies have death rays and we humans are using machine guns. Really, really stupid. My seven year old cousin pointed this one out on his own. Seven-years-old. But you see, its like this, our military is so bad-ass awesome that they can handle aliens thousands of years more advanced than us, with their CURRENT weapons. That isn’t sad or stupid, that is offensive.
All knowledge of the Stargate Program, and all that mankind has learned from it, are being kept secret from virtually all of mankind. This is the most truly disgusting part of the show and the largest reason I had trouble ever enjoying it completely. The writers, sort of take it as a given, that this remarkably evil behavior is something the “good guys” would do. This, sucks big time. The message sent is so repulsive.
Laptop computers everywhere. Wow, really, you guy want to be that stupid. Seriously. All that advanced technology and your doing commericals for Dell or whatever? If you haven’t seen the show, there are geeks running around all over the place with laptops saving the world, or in the case of Stargate Atlantis, saving Atlantis.
There are Einstein level geniuses like Dr. Rodney McKay played by David Hewlett, who are running around the universe fighting bad guys and almost getting killed weekly. Okay, imagine you have a dangerous mission, behind enemy lines, can you really see Roosevelt dropping Einstein in Vichy France, for example. Super-stupid. Seriously, super-stupid. Cartoons aimed at little kids stupid. G.I. Joe and Cobra made more sense.
Hand to hand combat in a sea of advanced technology. No need to elaborate.
Where are the hot women? Look, you men who are writing, directing, producing and often casting this show, if you are going to pander to guys who are willing to ignore the tremendous stupidity of the concept and ignore all your errors, at least put one or two good looking women on the show. Give them, and girls who like girls, something to look at. Teyla (Rachel Luttrell) isn’t a beast, but come on now, that doesn’t count, nor does Dr. Keller (Jewel Staite). Again, both decent looking women, but hey, you can do better-you know you can do better.
Then there are the deeper issues, such as advanced races who for some puzzling reason bothering to talk to us. You would think they would take one look at us, running around with machine guns and laptops and say, “who let these guys in here? Did you let them in?” This issue is dismissed in a variety of ways, but it ultimately, like the show itself, its hollow.

What Was Cool:
Not much is cool about Season Five of Stargate Atlantis. The first season showed some promise, but soon stumbled never to recover.

What Was Stupid:
Oh just see the above list for a short sampling. I could go on in much, much greater detail, especially if I began probing each episode.

The Show's Real Genius or Geniuses:
The genius or geniuses are the people that somehow figured out how to get people excited about this and other Stargate shows.

Overlooked Performance/Accomplishment:
All the PA’s that show up every morning and don’t kill themselves instead.

Story D
Use of Science C
Acting C
Portrayal of Women B
Visuals-Visuals and Special Effects C+
Visuals-Set Design/Props C+
Wardrobe/Costumes C-
Style/Sex Appeal C
Enjoyability Grade D
Home Theater/HD Factor C
Gut Check (Level of Studio Executive Guts) D
Overall Innovation D-
Overall Grade D (At least its over for Stargate Atlantis at the end of Season Five, but God help us there is going to be yet a third series. No joking, apparently it will be Lost In Space/Star Trek:Voyager but in a Stargate Universe. Lucky us we will get to see these idoits stumble around the universe in a spaceship, and I will be reviewing it. Grand fun.)

A Little Fact About Cherie:
Originally, like twenty-five years ago, or whatever it is now, I thought the original Stargate series had some promise and watched it religiously. I was once a fan, but now, it is painfully obvious-this turkey is done, done and done.