Max Payne-Don’t Let This Turkey Ruin Your Thanksgiving
Here is What You Need To Know:
Well, here is one thing you need to know-if you thought that this film had much chance of being good, you’re kind of an idiot. Max Payne is bad, really bad. I played both video games and I enjoyed both video games. Now, even with that being the situation, I still think this movie basically sucks. The games are no masterpieces of storytelling, but they are fun, action packed and keep your interest. Max Payne the movie is none of those things. In fact, the most you can hope for is a series of unintentional giggles as you watch Mona Sax/Mila Kunis/Jackie Burkhart walk around trying to look tough with a shotgun. Its that kind of movie.
What was most disappointing is that there are far few good visual effects and action sequences than one would expect-far fewer. I knew this would be dumb but come on; this movie is soooo thin on action especially considering the Max Payne title. I mean there is “action” but little good action and all the action is predictable. Very, very, very predictable. I felt as if this script was written by a thirteen year old boy-no offense thirteen year olds. Just forget this turkey.
What Was Cool:
Not much.
What Was Stupid:
-What was stupid? Just about everything.
-The casting was borderline horrible. Mark Wahlberg is relatively believable as Max Payne, but so what, isn’t he playing the same character we see him play in every movie? Mila Kunis as Mona is, well, her acting is okay, but she is just not believable in the role. Then there is the absurd, or should I say ludicrous casting of Chris “Ludacris” Bridges. Bridges’ acting style is sort of “F-you, I don’t have to try you should just kiss my ass for being in your movie.” I somehow suspect this may not go very far, especially when his fan base gets slightly older, a little less jacked up on testosterone and realizes that his music basically sucks.
-Speaking of Bridges, there is also the issue of Beau Bridges, who is just going through the motions-to the extreme. Are Chris Bridges and Bo Bridges related? What is up with that? Inside joke?
-The visual effects are not that great and this is partially due to the fact that the budget wasn’t really there for the film in the first place.
The Film’s Real Genius or Geniuses:
Pass.
Story D (Max Payne has one of the worst scripts of the year, even by movie standards. If you thought for example that the Doom movie script was bad and it basically was, well then try another video game movie, Max Payne, on for size. Max Payne makes Doom look like The Godfather.
Use of Science D
Acting D
Portrayal of Women C (Strongish female lead but it just feels wrong. Then there is the issue of cheap and stupid women who can’t keep their hands off Markie Mark. Whatever.)
Style/Sex Appeal D
Enjoyability Grade D-
Home Theater/HD Factor C
Gut Check (Level of Studio Executive Guts) D
Overall Innovation F
Overall Grade D
A Little Fact About Cherie:
I really did love the first two Max Payne video games and I had the bar set REALLY low as I walked into the theatre for Max Payne the movie. Fans, I was expected very little and was still disappointed. Ridiculous. Oh so ridiculous.
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