XXX-James Bond for Brain-Damaged Thugs
I don't blame Vin Diesel for taking this project, for back when it was offered it was a great career break as XXX is a big-budget flick that put him front and center. But seriously folks, seriously, this movie is for people who like their movies dumb. Someone once told me they liked their movies, like they liked their women-stupid, easy, good-looking and flashy. What a shock she was from LA. Yes I said she. XXX would make her quite happy, quite happy indeed. Here is the crowd that XXX is for, XXX is James Bond for brain-damaged thugs. XXX is probably the favorite flick of most of the male cast members of the Real World-Road Rules Challenge for example. Do you get the picture?
Details. Brace yourself. Vin Diesel plays the absurdly named Xander Cage, who is a sort of extreme sports star who is recruited by the government for a secret mission. There isn't too much left to say really, except there are an abundance of stunt scenes that break not only Newtonian laws of physics but probably the laws of quantum physics as well. You can either trust me, or you can watch the film, but I assure you I am not kidding.
No doubt, Diesel has screen presence, but no one has the kind of screen presence it takes to keep most reasonably intelligent people from realizing that this is a poorly done rip-off of James Bond. XXX is a closeted frat boy's wet dream, without all those random traces of reality one finds in the Bond films.
Story D
Acting C+ (Vin Diesel is a better actor than people give him credit for, however, as a whole there are lots of problems with the casting that bring the grade down. Further, the dialog is so silly that no actor could salvage it.)
Visuals B+ (There are some fun visuals in the film, but you have to suffer through the insane silliness of the script in order to enjoy them.)
Originality/Innovation D+ (Originality? Well, some of the stunts are original, sort of.)
Enjoyability Grade C- (This grade is very close to being a “D+” but the stunts are fun enough to keep you from wanting to kill yourself and there should be enough unintentional humor in the, ah well, stunted scripts to keep you laughing.)
Home Theater/HD Factor B
Overall Grade C- (It frightens me that this film made over $200 million dollars, but they had a market in mind and the executives went for it. The market was insecure guys who didn't like Bond because Bond is too prissy or because he is British. Sounds silly, but this film was clearly targeted at Neanderthals who think they are tough guys. You know, they have neon ground effects on their Toyota Celicas. This is not a thinking man's flick.) |
