Underworld 2-The Fourth Seal Was Broken and Zombie Turkeys Walked the Earth
Hey kids! Want to learn how to make a truly confusing, convoluted mess? Rent Underworld 2, yikers! I gave the first Underworld film solid marks, in fact, Underground received a B- overall. However, I did comment, that while parts of the script were original and fun, that there were some real problems. Basically, I felt that these problems were overcome by some stylized directorial choices and great work by the set design, costume and prop folks. None of that can save this raging, bloody, bitten and clawed mess of a script from itself. This script is bad. The movie is really hard to follow. Now perhaps, if you live, eat and breath this kind of film, you will easily understand this script. I, however, strongly feel that most of you will find this mess, with its flashback sequences and assumption that you memorized the first film, annoying to say this least.
I am not going to try and get into the disaster that is the script, no way. Lets just say it has to deal with two brothers, one the first werewolf, one the first vampire. That’s all the specifics you will get out of this reviewer.
Focusing on the positive. There are some good action sequences and many good visual effects. In fact, with a modest $40-$50 million budget Len Wiseman and crew actually do a fine job. The solid prop and costume design of the first are back and continue to add value to the production. Yet, there is just too many problems with the foundation, namely the sickly, emaciated, dim witted script cranked out by Wiseman and some guy named Danny McBride. Here is the problem. The original flick was also written by Kevin Grevioux, who apparently was the brains of the outfit. I can’t explain how this messy script received funding, but suffice to say there are a lot of guys in Hollywood better at playing the “hey man lets do lunch” game than coming up with original AND COHERENT ideas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m the dude on the internet and their the guys getting millions to make movies. True, but that doesn’t change the fact that this undead turkey is all over the place, meandering about as if you have read the previous 6 Underworld novels, cover to cover twice and took notes. If you’re a frequent reader, you know that I bitch up a storm about writers and movies and studios “talking” down to the audience, but that isn’t really the problem here. If you work at it, you can figure this script out, but that’s my point, you shouldn’t have to work at it. Not on this kind of film, seriously.
I will finish with this hope, no Underworld 3 and for god’s sake no Underworld 3in 3D. We’ve suffered more than enough with this unintentionally horrific film.
Story D- (Wiseman, you can’t write stuff like this when your last name is Wiseman. Come on my man, you know I’m right. McBride, join your daddy’s law firm or trading company or whatever. Just don’t write anymore!)
Acting C+ (The actors were pro, but one can't make much from a script like this one.)
Visuals B+
Originality/Innovation D (Some innovative ways of dispensing death keep Underworld 2 from being, well, buried in this category.)
Enjoyability Grade D- (If you are a really serious, super dorky horror fan the grade for you is a C-)
Home Theater/HD Factor B (Turn down the volume if you just want to see some pretty HD, but for god’s sakes man don’t try and figure this out.)
Overall Grade D (If you live, eat and breath horror films, fine a C.)
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