Runaway Bride-Ground Breaking—Ground Breakingly Painful
Oh dear God, make it stop, make it stop. No man should be subjected to such torture.
Much like a frat boy waking up naked with several of his friends, Runaway Bride is something that should not be talked about-ever. But, millions of women and tortured boyfriends, husbands and ex-husbands blindly marched into the theaters to buy their tickets for yet another pointless Julia Roberts vehicle. Here is the brilliant story, she keeps leaving guys at the alter. Yep, that's it, oh and Richard Gere is in it, because you know how much most guys love movies with Richard Gere in them, well not Richard Gere IN them, just movies that have Richard Gere as an actor in the movie.
I am going to try and restrain myself and focus on the facts of the situation. One fact, this movie had a budget that was somewhere between $60 and $70 million dollars. Okay, that is seriously ridiculous, as there is NOTHING to this film. Apparently, that was all salary, that is ridiculous, but Julia Roberts could make a movie about cleaning out her garage and it would probably sell a million tickets to women who thought it was making some statement about domestic servitude or something. Runaway Bride reunites Gere and Roberts again from their wonderful, magical, precious, Pretty Woman days, and, yes that also sold tickets. Don't get me started on Pretty Woman. The point is that this is one absurdly expensive film for what you get. Absurdly.
If you are in to these kind of films, stop reading my reviews, seriously. Why torture yourself, I am just going to knock these fluffy moronic films around like some sort of rag doll. And women, if you really love or even like the guy you are with, don't make him go to these things. That is just not cool and you are not cool if you do it. Its the equivalent of a guy forcing a woman to go hunting with him or a Trekker or Trekkie or whatever, forcing a woman to watch a Star Trek marathon or go to one of those whacked out Star Trek Conventions. Yes, yes it is the same, whether you want to hear it or not. Show some humanity ladies, you're supposed to be better than us.
Story F (A complete failure of the human spirit and imagination.)
Acting C
Visuals A (Far too much teeth which only serves to make inexplicable paycheck all the more, glaringly painful.)
Originality/Innovation F (Original, yeah, like cancer.)
Enjoyability Grade F
Home Theater/HD Factor N/A (Who has a real home theater and then watches something like Runaway Bride? Who does that?)
Overall Grade D- (I am just a bad, bad man who has no heart, what can I say. Yet, I deserve some credit, not one gerbil joke. Okay, just one, the gerbil can consider itself lucky as long as it didn't have to watch this film.)
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