Next Movie Review

Next-Nicholas Cage Painted Gold? The Horror.

Has anybody in Hollywood really taken a good long look at this Nicolas Cage guy? I mean Cage could, via some remarkable miracle, be the nicest guy in the heartless, crap-pit that is Hollywood. However, as far as this film is concerned it wouldn’t make any real difference. A lot of general moviegoers have a big enough problem with science fiction without having Nicholas Cage stick his tongue down Jessica Biel’s throat. Now, in Hollywood that kind of foolishness happens, but in the real world, how often would a older guy who looks like Nicolas Cage get a girl that looks like Jessica Biel? Let’s be real here folks, it usually only happens if drugs or large volumes of money are involved, and in Next, neither are the case. No, its just the raw charm of Cris, played with usual lackluster by Nicolas Cage. It may seem like I am off point here, but the relationship between Cris and Liz (Biel) is so vital to the movie that the issue of their highly unlikely, instant and profound carnal attraction must be addressed. The concept of the film, where a average Joe can see exactly two-minutes into the future, already demands the audience to suspend its disbelief. Is it really smart to throw in this unlikely Cris-Liz mating? Who are the people that really want to see Jessica Biel make out with Nicolas Cage? Is it really THAT hard to get a good part, Jessica? Really? I mean, really?

Poor Philip K. Dick. Guy writes a short story, The Golden Man, and Hollywood comes along and uses it as toilet paper. If you are even remotely familiar with The Golden Man you will quickly realize that this film has almost nothing to do with the short story. The actual The Golden Man short story could have been so much better than Next that a side by side comparison would be shocking. But, we would have had to endure Nicky Cage painted golden-the horror, horror. No I like my Nicolas Cage a nice Thanksgiving turkey brown thank you very much.

Here is Next, in a nutshell-FBI discovers that Cris has the ability to see about two-minutes into the future. The Feds discover this in a VERY unlikely way and set out to capture him. You see, they need his help with some what kids? Why of course, some terrorists, what else? Twenty-years ago it would have been the Soviets, but today, it’s some terrorists, lots of imagination there. Speaking of the terrorists-basically a bunch of white guys, even the clichéd evil prissy British ringleader. Yes, they even added the prissy British ringleader. Next is another dose of what is wrong with Hollywood-loud, stupid, clichéd, tired, dull crap. Next is just another example of taking fine ideas and concepts and dummying them down so that any brain-damaged ten year old can understand them.

At least this film was not a box-office hit-thank god!

Story D- (The story has one incorrectly borrowed gimmick that it milks and milks. Just be glad they didn’t go the television series route on this one.)
Acting D (Give me my paycheck. That said, however, Biel, does a simply remarkable job in not acting completely repulsed in the lovemaking scene. Bravo, Jessica. It could have been worse-it could have been Christopher Coppola instead. Better hope old Nick doesn’t have to retire.)
Visuals C+ (Every now and again, Next has a decent visual. But as I always point out, these computer-generated visuals are not created by the writers or directors or the actors, but by the overlooked visual effects wizards.)
Originality/Innovation F
Enjoyability Grade D+ (There are a few laughs, but you’ve seen all Next has to offer before...trust me.)
Home Theater/HD Factor C+
Overall Grade D