The Cave-Dumb Asses Go Down a Hole, The Movie
The Cave is one of those, “and these dumb asses then got killed by...” You know the film, a group of dumb asses do X, Y or Z and get killed by something horrible. This follows the fine tradition of the dumb ass grinder, the movie where you see dumb asses get murdered in fun ways. Now, I should clarify, that this differs greatly from the teenage grinder, which is a very different movie. So, here’s the short on The Cave. Dumb asses go down into a cave and some sort of freakish creature picks them off one by one. Too sophisticated for you? Boy oh boy, I hope not, because there is also some psycho-science involving genetics and evolution and stuff, so if that one line movie description was too much for you, step away from your computer, put your baseball cap with the tobacco logo on it, firmly onto of your head and go out into the woods. Well wait...
There is nothing new in The Cave, but there is some very good underwater photography that should be appreciated and some of the visual and special effects are solid enough on the roughly $30 million dollar budget. The script, can be followed, its just weak, however, there is much to be said for a coherent script. While The Cave is far from being a masterpiece, even in a horror context, its script moves coherently from point to point, unlike recent disasters such as Underworld 2, which possessed a budget of roughly $40-$50 million.
As I explore the issue of why The Cave, to borrow from my Underworld 2 review, is a indeed turkey, I turn my attention to the core of the problem, which, as usual is the script. The script was written by Tegan West, who is a old-school veteran actor and guess what folks? This is his first script. Micheal Steinburg is the other chap responsible for The Cave and The Cave marks his second film, the first being a 1992 release that no one has probably heard of recently or at all. Somehow, these guys were able to sell this script and get millions to make this film. Nice, but I am perplexed. I am all for new names getting a break, but the work can’t suck.
If you haven’t seen this film and you’re a horror fan, skip it anyway. There is nothing original here. Some of the water sequences are pretty good but that’s about all it has too offer, but if your stuck in a cave and you have to choose between this undead turkey and Underworld 2, pick The Cave, because at least you can follow what the hell is going on in–THE CAVE! That’s how they should have marketed it, all caps with an exclamation point, might of helped...nay.
Story D
Acting C
Visuals C+
Originality/Innovation D-
Enjoyability Grade D
Home Theater/HD Factor B-
Overall Grade D+
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