Cast:
Sylvester Stallone as Rocky Balboa
Burt Young as Paulie
Antonio Tarver as Mason 'The Line' Dixon
Geraldine Hughes as Marie
Milo Ventimiglia as Robert Jr.
Tony Burton as Duke
James Francis Kelly III as Steps
I hadn’t been as excited for another Rocky sequel since Rocky IV. Collectively, the Rocky films are a celebration of the underdog (With the exception of the putrid Rocky V.) The blueprint has been copied by many other decent films (The Karate Kid, The Karate Kid II), and even more so by some of the worst stinkbombs in the history of the movie industry (The Karate Kid III, anything staring Jean Claude Van Damme). Even now, many writers and directors should be praying at the altar of Stallone for freeing them from originality and sparing them their rightful future of eating dogfood for dinner and begging for tips.
When “Rocky Balboa” was released, I danced with glee, as if I were ten years old again. Not just because my favorite underdog hero had been reprised, but because director, writer, and staring actor, Sylvester Stallone, had heard the disgruntled cries of his fans following the disappointing tragedy that was Rocky V. Not only did Sly decide to make a new sequel, he opted to not number this one, which suggests that; a) this was Rocky’s last dance and b) we’re all going to pretend that Rocky V never happened. I can live with both assumptions.
This film draws from a familiar blueprint; a lovable, plain-spoken guy of slightly less than average intelligence finds himself in a potentially unwinable situation before shocking the world with his will and determination. That is the underlying theme in every Rocky film except for Rocky V (For the purposes of this review, just assume that any glowing accolade about the Rocky franchise excludes Rocky V. Rocky V was an epic turd sandwich that will no longer be referenced because it is impossible for me to quantify the level of suckitude of that film.)
At the film’s beginning, Rocky Balboa is retired from boxing and running a small Italian restaurant that he named “Adrian’s”. He is also a widower, having lost his wife Adrian to what Rocky calls, “Womens Cancer” in 2002. Unable to move on, Rocky appears to be caught in an emotional holding pattern, rehashing old fight stories to entertain his restaurant patrons, posing for demeaning photos with fans, and frequently revisiting the landmarks of his life with Adrian, with his close friend and brother-in-law Paulie reluctantly tagging along.
Inspired by a mock fight telecast in which analysts argue about how Balboa would have fared against the current champion, Mason Dixon, Rocky pursues and obtains his boxing license again, seeking smalltime exhibitions in an effort to rediscover the meaning in his life. When Mason’s promoters approach Rocky for an exhibition match, Rocky is initially wary, which is understandable seeing how he is SIXTY FREAKING YEARS OLD. I know we’re suspending belief in the interest of entertainment, but let’s think about this for a minute… a punchy, crazy old coot battling a 20-30 something muscle-bound professional athlete with a sour disposition for ten rounds? Not exactly how I’d want to spend my retirement.
But Rocky needs to move on with his life and he does it the only way he knows how; by letting some guy pop him in the head 50-100 times as he returns the favor by trying to destroy the guy’s internal organs in the process. Ya gotta love this post-modern self-help phase.
Like the previous films in the Rocky franchise, the first two-thirds of the film delve in slow, plodding character developments that serve to ground and humanize Rocky and his close relationships. By the time the fanfare horns announce the requisite training montage, I was firmly entrenched in Rocky’s shoes, and boy did I want to get out of them.
I’m not saying that character development was a detriment to the film. Quite the contrary. It was good… almost too good, and in a film that’s driven by character instead of plot, I can’t think of a better compliment than my empathizing too much with Rocky’s plight.
Memorable scenes that caused goosbumps, a fist-pump, or other reactions:
1. Midway through the film, Rocky’s son tore into him, blaming Jr’s own failures on living in his father’s shadow, which at first caused me to groan because I thought this was going to replace the Adrian Balboa Memorial, “You can’t win!” speech. Rocky’s response was unexpected and… well… pretty damned accurate:
***SPOILER ALERT: ACTUAL MONOLOGUE FROM THE MOVIE***
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't 'bout how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"
***END SPOILER ALERT***
I was so vested in Rocky’s plight that I jumped up in the crowded theatre, pumped my fist and shouted, “Yeah!” before being quickly subdued by my wife as the audience giggled at my outburst.
2. When Rocky tried explaining to a bemused Paulie why he wanted to fight again, Rock broke down, completely losing his composure and sobbed as he described his pain and anguish at losing Adrian. I must admit, I might have gotten a speck of dust or pollen caught in my eye right then. I’m just sayin… Say what you want about Sly and his so-called “overrated” or “mediocre” writing and directing skills. But the guy knows a thing or two about character development and emotional connection.
3. Just prior to the montage fanfare trumpets, Duke gave one more motivational speech about beefing Rocky up so he could apply “blunt force trauma” to Mason Dixon’s lungs. When he said, “Every time you punch this guy, he has to feel like he just kissed the express train!” then punctuated his statement by popping his own 175-year-old neck, I think I might have convinced myself that I could whip everyone in that theatre right then and there.
4. A subplot involved Rocky befriending a young woman named Marie and becoming a father figure to her son. Marie was just a young girl when Rock first began his career. He reconnected with her when he visited a bar she worked at. The night before the fight, Marie visited Rock to wish him luck. She ended her meeting with a kiss that my wife called a “grandpa” kiss.
I didn’t think of it as a grandpa kiss though. To me, it looked like a 30-somehting year old woman forcing a tender kiss upon a 60-something year old man, which would have been fine if it didn’t seem so awkward. I’m not against May-December romances, but that scene seemed rather contrived. Frankly I hadn’t been that uncomfortable watching a display of affection since Rocky III when Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed frolicked and hugged each other in the waters on the beach wearing short shorts and half-shirts.
5. The switch from cinematic film to HD for the climatic fight was rather unsettling. After 90 minutes of grainy filming, you can’t just suddenly spring Stallone’s 60-year old mug on me in high-def without warning. That’s not to say that he’s a bad looking dude. The sudden switch was just a bit stunning to my nervous system. They could have at least eased into the segment. Equally disturbing was the Mike Tyson cameo during the same high-def segment. It would have been funny if Sly had decided to really freak-out the audience. He could have switched to 3D and we would have had an instant horror film crossover. “Look, it’s Mike Tyson! Oh no! He’s off his meds! And HE’S COMING RIGHT FOR US!”
“Rocky Balboa” gamely lived up to my expectations. The icing on the cake was that the movie was a hit with my kids too, meaning that Sylvester Stallone managed to reach another generation. Way to go out, champ.
1) Story: A- (Loses points for implausibility. Still enjoyable.) 2) Acting: A+ (Wifey wept, I’m claiming allergies.) 3) Visuals: A
4) Originality/Innovation: B
5) Enjoyability Grade: A+
6) Date Material: A+
7) Contemporary Element (Will it be watchable two decades from now?): B
8) Overall Grade: A-
***
Blind Eye Turning: Poems, Prose, and other Scribbles, by Barry Dawson
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