"Old School" Aptly Named
A long time ago, when I use to watch Saturday Night Live, some of the skits were so funny that I’d think to myself, "Wow, that’s almost hilarious enough for them to ruin by trying to make a 90-minute movie out of it." And sure enough, a movie would be born, based on a five-minute skit, and I’d anxiously pay seven bucks for the privilege of being screwed-over in Dolby surround-sound. Often I’d wait and rent it from the local video store, high-fiving myself for outsmarting Hollywood by wasting only three bucks instead of the seven I would have paid at theatres. Regardless, the result was the same. I’d have wasted time and money on a weak plot and a crappy comedy (For some reason, the film "Ladies Man" comes to mind. I can‘t stress this enough; Stay away from anything with Tim Meadows as the headliner. You’ll just cry yourself to sleep afterwards.)
Bookie and I watched the film, "Old School" last week, and I’m left with mixed feelings. The film is about three thirty-something guys who create a college fraternity in order to both satisfy the requirement of living on college property and to inject their mundane existence with some youthful action. Mitch Martin (Luke Wilson) is a heartbroken man who suffered the indignity of walking in on his fiancé while she was hosting a gangbang in their home. Yeah, that would make me run away to start a fraternity too. Frank Ricard (Will Ferrell) is a newlywed struggling to find his identity in his new marriage. Bernard "Beanie" Campbell (Vince Vaughn) is a family man, settled-down, and overtly envious of his friend’s freedom. Beanie instigates most of the action that keeps the story moving.
I’d go more in-depth about the plot, but it involves almost all of the standard college-comedy clichés. The girl from Mitch’s past with the secret mutual crush once thought unrequited, but now complicated by her new boyfriend, who’s a cheating jerk? Check. The antagonistic dweeb from the past, now power-tripping as the school dean, intentionally making life hard for the main trio as payback for their childhood bullying? Check. Mitch blacking-out at a house-party, waking up with a half-naked hottie laying next to him? Check. Actually, I was secretly envious of this scene. I wondered if college-life was just a random series of house-parties, black-outs, and hottie bedmates with the random final exam thrown-in for good measure. Of course, when the half-naked hottie in Mitch’s bed was later discovered to be his boss’s daughter and a high school student, I recanted my envy.
On one hand, though it wasn’t based on any of the old SNL skits or recurring characters, "Old School" reminded me of them because I endured one near-death, asthma-attacking, laughing moment after another. But then again, I wasn’t really too concerned about the plot or the main character, Mitch Martin (At some point, in future film credits, I’m certain that Luke Wilson will be referred to only as "Owen Wilson’s brother." Seriously, how does this guy keep getting work? Luke Wilson’s not even the most talented guy at his family’s Thanksgiving table, yet someone pays him to plod along in these productions while his supporting cast all get hernias from carrying him. I just don’t get it. If a pro-football team consistently selected guys who clean windshields at intersections as top draft-picks, that would be a problem right? How long could the general manager get away with picking substandard talent before they got canned? That’s right, I’m comparing Luke Wilson’s performance to Ned the Wino playing for the Giants or Cowboys. Let‘s just move on.)
Aside from Owen Wilson’s brother, the cast worked surprisingly well. I was hoping to get a heavy dose of Will Ferrell’s antics, but his part wasn’t as big as I hoped (Yikes. I should re-word that last sentence. Bah! Screw it. I’ll leave it as-is, for comedy‘s sake.) Still, in terms of near-death laughing moments, Ferrell’s portrayal of "Hank the Tank" was absolutely lethal. I don’t want to spoil the jokes, but the streaking scene was possibly the funniest thing I’ve seen this year. Vince Vaughn carried the majority of this film, which is an odd observation considering how I’ve never considered him to be as funny as the general population does. His character, Bernard "Beanie" Campbell, got the most consistent laughs.
Oh, and while discussing what works for the film, I should probably mention what doesn’t (Other than Owen’s brother.) The Tom Green Commemorative, "Why am I here and why are they paying me?" Citation goes to Andy Dick. The scene in question is where Andy is showing a group of women how to perform fellatio on vegetables. This should have been a laugh-riot, and Bookie did tear-up with laughter, but I just kept hoping that the carrot Andy was sucking on would get caught in his windpipe, silencing him once and for all. Fortunately, Will Ferrell arrived to save this scene, but not before part of me died inside. Let’s be honest here; Andy Dick is about as funny as my farts are aromatic. I might lie to my family and say that my poo-gas smells like roses, but at least they know I’m just being ironic.
Overall, "Old school" is weak on plot, but it’s funny as hell, so who cares?
1)Story: C
2)Acting: B
3)Visuals: B
4)Originality/Innovation: B
5)Enjoyability Grade: A
6)Date Material: A
7)Contemporary Element (Will it be watchable two decades from now?): A
8)Overall Grade: B+
***
Blind Eye Turning: Poems, Prose, and other Scribbles, by Barry Dawson
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