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Blades of Glory

I had a hard time parting with my money for this movie. Many people told me that I absolutely had to see it, but they said the same thing about Napoleon Dynamite, and I’m probably the only person on the planet who though that film sucked. I just don’t find Jon Heder funny or interesting at all as a headliner. Besides, I haven’t been interested in figure skating since Tanya Harding’s luscious thighs were banned for life from professional skating.

So a film about figure skating co-staring Jon Heder was going to be nothing short of excruciating for me, right? Well, I couldn’t be happier about being wrong in my assumption. Blades of Glory is the funniest movie I’ve seen this year. It was nearly a 90-minute long belly laugh. It wasn’t outstanding or groundbreaking, but it was certainly worth the price of admission.

The plot was simple and straightforward: Two male skating rivals with opposing personalities started a brawl when they were forced to share a gold medal, resulting in both being banned for life from male singles skating. Due to a loophole in the ban, they agreed to team-up for pair figure skating. That’s it. Let the hilarity commence!

Thin plot notwithstanding, I cannot stress this enough; the jokes come at you fast and furious, from beginning to end. If you blink or try to digest one punchline, you’ll miss about two others. There is very little downtime and rarely a moment where the film drags. The only downside for me is the use of a few gross-out gags. I’m really not into gross-out comedy, but that’s just my personal bias. If you’re into puking into an ice-capades costume or licking nasty toilet paper to move a plot along, who am I to judge?

Will Ferrell did most of the heavy-lifting, playing the over-the-top, rebel pro-skater and self-proclaimed sex-addict, Chazz Michael Michaels (That's not a typo). But Heder was also surprisingly funny as the sheltered, technically proficient adopted orphan, Jimmy MacElroy. Amy Poehler and Will Arnett did a significant amount of scene-stealing as the unsettlingly close brother-sister rival couple team, and reigning couples champions, Fairchild and Stranz Van Waldenberg.

Craig T. Nelson played Chazz and Jimmy’s coach in the typical way he always seems to play a coach, but through the entire film I kept wondering if his face was made-up to look that knawled and grizzled, or if father time kicked the unholy dogcrap outta him. I’m pretty sure it was makeup, though.

Jenna Fischer played the mild-mannered Katie Waldenberg extremely well, and I’m not just saying that because she is drop-dead gorgeous and disproportionately hot. Katie was Jimmy’s love-interest and the younger sister of the Waldenberg couple, who manipulated and emotionally blackmailed her into trying to sabotage the team of Chazz and Jimmy by sleeping with Chazz. I loved the scene where Katie infiltrated one of Chazz’s sex-addict meetings, giving a half-hearted, “Sex, sex, sex, it’s all I think about,” with all the passion of an 87-year-old bingo announcer.

Blades of Glory is not exactly breaking any new ground as far as comedies go. I’m not sure if the many gags and jokes will be rewatchable after the initial shock-value wears off. But it is certainly funny right now, and I left the theater feeling like I got my money’s worth. It’s well-worth viewing at least once.

1) Story: B-
2) Acting: B+
3) Visuals: B
4) Originality/Innovation: B
5) Enjoyability Grade: A
6) Date Material: A
7) Contemporary Element (Will it be watchable two decades from now?): C
8) Overall Grade: B+

***

Blind Eye Turning: Poems, Prose, and other Scribbles, by Barry Dawson
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