300 (Turn off Your Brain and Enjoy!)
Every once in a while, a movie comes along that’s full of special effects, but weak on substance. Then there are the low-budget affairs with a riveting plot that make you wish they had a bit more money to add polish to a good story.
And then there’s 300.
Perhaps it’s the inner-caveman within me that takes great pleasure in watching guys beat the dogcrap out of one another, or maybe I’m just a simple guy who revels in listening to amped-up guys yelling about glory, honor… and kicking the dogcrap out of one another. Whatever the case, I find it difficult to describe this film without using grandiose affirmative expletives like “holy f---ing sh#$, what an awesome f#%@ing movie!” For the sake of decency, I’ll do my best. I’ve never come across a much-hyped movie that exceeded the hype surrounding it tenfold until now. 300 is exactly what I thought it would be; a ramped-up, fantasy-driven, roid-raging rampage through ancient Greece.
But it is more than that.
OK, stay with me here… 300 is a film adaptation of a graphic novel, which is an adaptation of a movie filmed in 1962 called “The 300 Spartans”, which is a loose depiction of the Battle of Thermopylae. I hope you paid attention because we’ll be coming back to this later. The premise of the movie is pretty straightforward; 300 Spartans hold off an aggressive, expansionistic Persian army of millions for about two days, fighting to the last man in defense of democracy.
I know it’s a bit of a stretch, considering the fact that historically, both sides were known for owning slaves, and the Spartans were a military monarchy who practiced the grizzly act of infanticide on those considered imperfect or unfit for Sparta. But for the sake of mindless, bloodthirsty entertainment, these and many other inaccuracies were easily overlooked. The film was created to entertain, not inform. Even the director Zack Snyder described the film as “an opera, not a documentary”.
Having never read the graphic novel, I didn’t know what to expect, but when I heard that the same people who made “Sin City” were involved, I was a bit apprehensive (“Sin City” was so gory that Bookie and I walked out midway through.) 300 did have many gory and uncomfortable scenes that had us both peeking from between our fingers, but they were balanced-out by the inspirational speeches of the Spartans, the urgency of Tyler Bates’ musical score, the breathtaking visuals of combat, and the wickedly decadent amount of eye-candy and special effects. The Oracle scene was… well… I won’t ruin it, but that chick was hot! When she went into her fortune-telling dance, it was as if she was under water. This whole sequence was outstanding and orgasmic… right up to the point where the old guy started licking her. Yeah, that was a step backwards into the Uncomfortable Zone.
But the love scene between Spartan King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and his Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey) was so passionate that I felt embarrassed, as if I were intruding. Very well done. Bookie, like every other red-blooded straight woman and gay man, was roped-in by the scantily-clad, rippling abs of the Spartan soldiers that always seemed to be glistening with sweat. I could have done without all the beefcake, but I guess they had to do something to make women endure the copious amount of violence (So we’re supposed to believe that the Spartans entered armed conflict with huge brass shields, swords, spears, heavy, restrictive helmets, red capes, metal speedos, and absolutely no body-armor? Uhm… alright… in the interest of suspending reality for a fantasy hack-n-slash, I’ll overlook this too.)
There is also a mildly interesting subplot that depicts Queen Gorgo’s efforts to rally support from a corrupt body of congress to send more troops in support of King Leonidas’ cause. I thought I should mention that at some point, since the movie seemed to drag a bit through these points. I consider the subplot to be the necessary intermissions between the adrenaline-fueled ass-kicking sequences, though they did provide at least one fist-pumping, “You go, girl!” moment near the end.
Speaking of Leonidas, isn’t that a kick-ass name? I can foresee several thousand boys named Leonidas by their comic and movie-geeked parents within the next two decades. Wait a sec… geeks are typically too-busy being geeks to have sex. Nevermind.
Now obviously, a fantasy-driven, psyudo-historical tale is bound to have controversy. Some are offended and outraged by the negative depiction of ancient Persians. Now, before I weigh-in on this controversy, put down your pencils, its quiz time! Can anyone tell me what this movie is about? For those having trouble, scroll up to the fifth paragraph. That’s right; this is an admittedly-inaccurate adaptation of an adaptation of an outdated, 60’s Hollywood era depiction of an ancient historical event. The fact that this tall-tale has so many up in arms over it is laughable, especially considering current events.
Perhaps I’m being insensitive. I’ll try to look at it from the other perspective. As a black man, how would I feel if Hollywood portrayed my people in a negative light during any given movie? I’ll take it a bit further… how would I feel if Hollywood stretched that negative portrayal over a span of a few decades? I would probably feel offended and outraged too, right? Oh, wait a second… that’s right… that actually happened. I think that puts the Persian plight in its proper perspective. It’s just a movie. Lighten-up.
300 is well-worth the price of admission. In fact, we’re seeing it again this weekend. It’s the Greek version of “Rocky”. Any movie that leaves me wanting to seize the day and beat the dogcrap out of it is alright with me. I invite the intellectuals and historians everywhere to silence their reason, tap into their testosterone, and enjoy this film for what it is… entertainment.
Oh... and definitely leave the kids at home.
1)Story: A
2)Acting: A
3)Visuals: A+
4)Originality/Innovation: A+ (As original as a story about a story about an event can get!)
5)Enjoyability Grade: A+
6)Date Material: B (Worked for us. Might not work for some.)
7)Contemporary Element (Will it be watchable two decades from now?): A
8)Overall Grade: A
9)DVD Extras: A (I know it’s still in theatres, but come on now. This movie rocks. The extras will too.)
***
Blind Eye Turning: Poems, Prose, and other Scribbles, by Barry Dawson
Buy it at www.lulu.com
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